What would you do…

…if you knew you could not fail?

That question was posed to me last week in Wolf Rinke’s book, Make it a Winning Life. It was far from the first time I’d heard or read the question, but it hit me like a ton of bricks this time.

Most of my life, I have lived as if I had this question tattooed on my forearm for easy reference. Similarly I read Goethe’s quote as a teenager…

Whatever you can do, or think you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

…and thought not, “wow” or “gee, I wonder if…” but, “thank goodness someone with the verbal grace and influence to make it known saw this truth.” I find it interesting how sometimes it’s not my older self but my younger self I need to reach to for guidance.

At 20, I must say I had it pretty “together” in some powerful and unusual ways. Even then, folks in their forties and fifties enjoyed communicating with me, and I think part of it was a blend of tactfulness and straightforwardness. I would wait for the right time and place, but I definitely called it as I saw it and did what I felt moved to do even if it seemed unconventional, especially when I felt the stakes were exceptionally high. But in recent times, I’ve noticed myself doing these strange little mazurkas around what I really want to say, especially when there’s something quite important that needs to be made quite clear…and wondering, “if I try to do this, will it happen or will I just end up embarrassing myself?”

There’s a reason why I read books like Make it a Winning Life. I’ve started asking myself, what would I do if I knew I could not fail? The effects are already dual.

For one, there’s the sudden increase in action and willingness. Phone calls are happening a little quicker – not that they were at all slow or delayed before, but they’re happening, say, before I shower in the morning instead of after. I’m starting to wonder if perhaps the time has come to work on a second CD, and if maybe today could be the day I get the tech support I need to get my CBR software running. It doesn’t seem so improbable anymore that I could master more than one of the instruments I have in the house, though it would surely take years of effort.   I’m wondering if perhaps, despite my busyness, I could do some more soft sculpture work once in a while just for creative variety.  What would I do if I knew I could not fail? Start now, and have faith.

Also I’m starting to notice the Pygmalion effect more than usual. When I don’t doubt that something will work, it usually does. If I just throw the book, it will end up on the bed in just the right place. Nevertheless, if I think I’m going to have trouble opening a container of pomegranate tea, I end up wearing part of it. If I rattle off an impromptu rhyme (think something like a comedic version of a poetry slam) and don’t imagine myself having any trouble with it, it comes out clear as a bell. If, on the other hand, I’m worried about stumbling over something much shorter with a lot of alliteration, however, such as ordering a “blueberry bliss” smoothie…well, last time I went to the counter feeling wound up I ordered a “blueberry briss.” Well, if the blueberries are Semitic, male, and eight days old I suppose it’s time…and hiring a rabbi to help the barista would certainly explain why a simple cup of pureed fruit costs $5…

Well, now that I have a lot of disturbing questions in my head regarding the circumcision of fruit, I suppose I’ll wrap it up by saying that this is turning out to be a good question to ask myself. And what about you, the reader? What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

All sewn up; wanting to compose

News for tonight: the marotte is finished at last, and I’m composing again.

I finished the marotte itself two nights ago by tying the silk scarves under its collar. Outside of determining how to maintain the shape of the mouth, this was the hardest thing. I wanted to have a floaty, billowy feeling…but it needed to be something that could be removed in case the marotte or scarves ever needed to be cleaned; either would require very gentle care, and silk and calico require very different care to begin with. That meant it had to be something the recipient could reattach easily…finally I realized it was simple. I tied the largest scarf around and tucked the smaller ones into the largest one. (I determined the traffic cone-orange scarf, difficult as it was to track down in the first place, was just too obnoxiously bright to be included after all.) Last night I produced a story card for it since the recipient will no doubt need some help understanding what this unusual thing is that I’m giving him.

The result of this painstaking ten-month project is one with which I’m well pleased. My fledgling effort in sacred toymaking produced a very unique piece of folk art; it definitely looks rough-hewn but I like that effect. Look at that face – I fully imagine the little Fool proudly announcing from his mouthful of monarchs, “my mama was a voodoo doll – ha ha!!!”

I love how he seems to be tossing his head back laughing. I didn’t plan that at all; it just came along the way.

You can also see some interesting facets of the marotte from the back view. Unlike the classic Fool’s hat with three points, this marotte has a five-pointed hat and a five-pointed collar. There’s one point for each of the five elements – water (blue waves), fire (suns), earth (forest), air (butterflies), and spirit (light gold). Each point also has a charm on it – included are a magen david for my friend’s Jewish heritage, a heart of gold which is self-explanatory, a yogi for contemplation, a sun for joy, and a cross…he’s let the Son-light in for me many times, though he himself is not Christian. You can also see a glimpse of the dragon fabric I used for the handle…it’s subtle, but I think the Wise Fool’s companion needs to embrace his shadow somehow. After all, the shadow is not bad…simply hidden.

It was, all told, a very satisfying and interesting project and I hope my friend sees this as the lighthearted, prayerful gesture that God placed it in my heart to begin last winter.

Meanwhile tonight I started a new composition. They all go painfully slowly these days, but this one particularly so; I’m writing a song for piano because that’s what’s coming to me, but it’s very hard to get on paper because I don’t play piano myself. If I can finish it at all I plan to give a copy to a friend who’s a keyboard player, if for no other reason than in the hope of hearing it played on the piano as it’s intended. Nice to be writing again. Plus I’m starting to put ProTools on my PC. I’m doing it very slowly one step at a time to avoid becoming confused or overwhelmed; computer stuff can do that to me…but it’s on its way!

Almost done despite despair; looking toward the music again

I think I made reference before – when I started this blog – to the fact that I’m trying to focus more on creativity in order to help uproot what’s been a growing sense of intense unhappiness. This was, in fact, precipitated by specific events, most noticeably being laid off from my day job and experiencing a significant loss of relationship. Well, I received word the other day that yet another person on whom I have long depended, and whom I have long cherished, is about to relocate in a matter of weeks. I might still be able to keep in contact with her across the distance but the relationship will be completely different.  She’s been my massage therapist for four and a half years; her touch was what finally motivated me to take seriously my formerly idle daydreams of working as a massage therapist, and thus actually get myself a worthwhile career.  She’s been a mentor and a crucial healing influence in my life…and now a little more of the stability I so badly needed is gone. So when I found out, I did what any sane person would do…I bought fabric paint. It took me a good two days to unpack it and do anything with it but I finally managed to.

The marotte now has gently happy eyes and eyebrows to complement his uproarious laugh. I’ve also found that as the stuffing has settled a bit inside the handle, which is also soft-sculpture, the marotte has taken on a look of throwing his head back laughing – a pleasant little surprise. I have to wait until the last of the scarves I ordered comes in so that I can put them under the collar, but I think I even know approximately how I’ll be arranging those. I’ll be watching my mailbox closely this week.

As usual I didn’t even get especially close to finishing up the “have to” side of my daily to-do list today. My cabin is still an absolute wreck and I haven’t even put away the laundry that I did on Friday. The hand wash still sits waiting to be done, the Christmas shopping is no further along than yesterday, and the documentation for my own fledgling business is still needing updates. Nevertheless, the day is almost gone, so one way or the other it’s time to look at the more inherently satisfying side of the to-do list. I haven’t picked up my guitar in a week and a half, so someone suggested that I set my sights on revisiting a local open stage this week which I previously very much enjoyed. I think she’s on the right track. So, off I go to practice guitar and work up a set list.

Okay, then sew a few more seams…

There was an odd undercurrent of stress running through my mostly pleasant (if typically overproductive) day. There were plenty of things to do during the day and plenty more to do after I got home…which is a shame considering how much later I got home than I’d planned.

Needless to say, my guitar still hasn’t been touched…and if you’re reading at all actively you could probably tell by the title that I decided to salvage the creative side of the day by sewing.

The marotte is coming along beautifully and very, very swiftly now. The handle is completed, the secret element I mentioned has been added, and I’ve decided on a look and a material for the eyes and eyebrows. All that’s left is to obtain some fabric paint, put the eyes and eyebrows on, and affix the scarves once the other two arrive in the mail. I’m happy with that.

If you can’t wail, at least sew a seam…

Once again, the day and the evening alike passed in a haze of nonstop work and errands.  I had a few minutes left to devote to something.  Starting work (or resuming work) on anything musical would only tempt me to stay up entirely too late – more so.  Ah, but perhaps it’s time to put a few more prayerful stitches into the marotte?

Its collar is now sewn on, and I’ve begun on the handle.  Next, I need to complete the handle, add eyes and eyebrows, and wait for the rest of the silk scarves I ordered to come for the finishing touch.  And there is one further element I want to remember to add…but it is a secret, properly only for the maker of the marotte, its recipient, and those the recipient may see fit to share it with.  Indeed, the recipient may not even discover it himself for a while.  Subtle, hidden touches just transform worlds…

A touch of silk

Well, I’ve got the collar tacked onto the marotte now and I’m realizing that the points aren’t going to have nearly the draping effect I’d envisioned. This is fine but I want to do something to achieve that effect, so I started thinking of something I could just put billowy little mounds of underneath the collar…ribbons? More cotton? No…it needs to be something a little floaty and translucent for contrast; there’s enough solid stuff on this item already that…ah!!! Silk scarves.

Thanks to the miracle of eBay, finding affordable silk pocket squares is not at all hard…except for one small thing. The dominant colors in this piece are blue, yellow, and orange. Blue pocket squares abound. Yellow pocket squares don’t abound but are nevertheless easy to locate. Orange pocket squares, however…no.

And so I found myself crawling eBay at 11:30pm when I should really have been moving on to other tasks and topics, trying to come up with the right search terms…I even left eBay (gasp!) to do some shopping elsewhere on the web, only to find that while yes, one could in fact find orange pocket squares, either the shipping cost three times as much as the scarf, or the squares themselves cost more than the rest of the materials for the project combined.

I eventually found that the cheapest way out that still yielded an appropriate result was to buy an amazingly bright necktie and pocket square set on eBay. The pocket square, being translucent, has a nice strong color that will be perfect for my project, but I had to laugh when I realized a tie existed in the solid version of that color. I mean, if you wore such a thing in public you would be blinding everyone who crossed your path! I have no idea what to do with the necktie, except for maybe keeping it in my car as a substitute for emergency flares, but anyway that isn’t the point – I scored a good strong orange pocket square, and even with the tie it was half the price of getting it alone anywhere else online.

So my next steps, then, are to finish attaching the collar, make the handle, add eyes and eyebrows to this bad boy, and, when the scarves all arrive, attach them to the underside of the collar.

Sew very exciting…

…yes, I’m a purveyor of the occasional bad pun. Too much time around professors in my formative years – what can I say? But I digress…

My creative obsession du jour is a sewing project. If you think this sounds drab or folksy or entirely too domestic for your taste, fear not; textile arts are scarcely limited to the making of the perfect dress or the best quilt in town. The project I’m working on is about as weird as anything ever made with a needle and thread – a soft sculpture marotte.

Scratching your head? There’s a reason for that. Even Wikipedia has little to say about the marotte at current, but while you may not know the word, you are probably familiar with the item to which it refers:

A Marotte is a prop stick or scepter with a carved head on it. The word is borrowed from the French, where it signifies either a fool’s (literal) bauble, or a fad/craze.

Typically carried by a jester or harlequin, the miniature head will often reflect the costume of the jester who carries it. Modern marottes typically have music boxes or other machinery built into the head. Older marottes may utilize swivel heads with bells.

-Wikipedia, copied November 14, 2007

You may wonder, then, why a massage therapist/musician/etc. is at all interested in crafting such a thing. One of my close friends is a stand-up comedian, and very much an incarnation of the archetypal wise fool; like the court jesters of old, he is not merely a source of entertainment fit for a king, but also an informant and adviser to those wise enough to look beyond the comic facade and see what he’s actually conveying. He also shares a challenge with the medieval jester, which is that his wisdom is not always welcomed with open arms. He may in fact hear someone exclaim “off with his head!!!” at the exact moment he’s sharing the most valuable information of his life to someone who needs it desperately. That’s where the marotte comes in.

According to legend, if the fool had a marotte, he also had a potentially lifesaving “out.” If the king was throwing a murderous enough fit, the jester could always say, “but your majesty, you mustn’t blame me – the marotte said it!” And indeed, the marotte would lose its head rather than the jester, turning a fatal sentence into a mere woodworking repair project. You can see where this is a fine potential totem for protection of a modern-day comedian. My friend has a warm heart and seeks to harm no one, but his surgically sharp eye for the more ridiculous aspects of human behavior is bound to get him in trouble with the less secure members of our species at times.

Not being a woodworker, I had to seek an alternate means of marotte-making, and I chose soft sculpture. I began in February with no pattern of any kind; just an idea of what I wanted the end result to look like. Since then I’ve spent quite a few hours cutting and stitching, but I’ve spent far more time with the partially-done puppet sitting in a bag with the remaining raw materials. Part of it is just the result of a busy life and being distracted, but part is having to think of solutions to challenges as they arise. The marotte’s face features an uproarious laugh with a mouthful of monarch butterflies, but I let the project sit fallow for almost two months as I was stupefied as to how I could maintain the shape of the lower lip when the bottom of the head was stuffed. Finally I was up entirely too late last night and the answer came to me from nowhere. Cut a section from a plastic cup and sew it inside the lower lip of the marotte to hold its shape.

Never one to resist a burst of creative inspiration (or hold to a reasonable bedtime), I immediately went to the kitchen cabinet and sacrificed a dollar store tumbler for the noble task. Though even I knew it was too late at night to actually thread a needle and commence sewing, I set the plastic arch inside the marotte for a dry run…perfect. I sewed it in this morning and am now busily planning the making of the marotte’s pointed collar. Then will come the handle, followed by eyes and eyebrows on the face – one last detail I’m not certain how to best execute yet.

Perhaps if I put the pedal to the metal and don’t encounter any more mental snags, I can have this ready as a Hanukkah gift for my friend, the stand-up comic. But shhhh, don’t tell him – it’s a surprise! (Blogging about this will doubtlessly encourage me to finish by Hanukkah, so as to minimize the chances that he’ll run across this new blog before I have a chance to present the result of the process to him.)