Time, Priorities, and a Side of Aloha

I once thought about how amusing it would be to make up some kind of board game based on what it takes to “succeed” in my life…but I quickly realized the rule book would be thicker than the local Yellow Pages. So many areas to “score points” in…so many pitfalls that could set you back…

These days I find myself busy pretty much constantly. I am in one of those periods where I end up not doing some very minor stuff because I didn’t feel I had the two minutes it would take to dig up a pen and my planner while I was flying between activities and it crossed my mind. I’m doing chair massage at New Leaf in Capitola, my private practice of Swedish/integrated massage, a lot of practice in lomilomi – 2-3 practice sessions a week now…I’m in hula class, planning to start a Hawaiian language course online at the end of April…my involvement with the Santa Cruz Indian Council continues…I haven’t been playing guitar much…I want to do an open mike soon but just haven’t gotten my act together lately, literally…and then of course there are those things we all need to do…taking out the trash, cleaning the house, doing the shopping…and that’s before interpersonal relationships come in, in all their varied and delightful forms.

Last night it occurred to me that it would be great to learn ipu, the Hawaiian gourd-drum. Suddenly – but with humor and quite gently – I put my foot down. I basically told myself, “you know, you don’t have to learn to do everything in the world yourself. That’s why there are other people out there. Let somebody else play ipu. You can hula to it. After all, you can’t really do both at once. Trust somebody else to hold up their corner of the world, okay?” I started questioning after that if I’ve been trying to do stuff that could actually be safely left to other people…or nobody at all. I’ve often wished I could hire an assistant…well what if the world already is my assistant sometimes and I just haven’t noticed? What if I let somebody else do something and I just focused in on the things I most wanted or needed to do myself that much more?

Doing my best…

This is definitely a time of initiation for me. I felt it coming on a couple of weeks ago but I ended up smack-dab in the middle of it very swiftly. There have been minor meltdowns, things to make peace with, things to do to symbolically release what doesn’t serve and call forth what does. Yesterday in particular was a time for that; I received a lomilomi session from Aravinda, aka Gregory Hyman of Santa Barbara, CA – a FABULOUS healer, and the one who first guided my heart to pursuing this work myself. I followed that with a trip to the beach to play at the waterside, and had hula class in the evening, which was wonderful.

I’m feeling called to really step forward and take it to the next level these days. Old dysfunction in several areas has got to go, Go, GO. There are people to talk to, languages and music to learn, spiritual commitments to renew and follow through with, and about a million things to do for my healing practice…it’s exciting…and yet there are only 24 hours in a day and I need about 7 of them to sleep…and yet I’m starting to get the sneaking suspicion that it just might be enough…and I might just be enough.

The Waiting Place

I remember a line in a Dr. Seuss book -called Oh, the Places You’ll Go – about “the waiting place.”

The Waiting Place… for people who are just waiting.   Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go, or the phone to ring, ot the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow.  Everyone is just waiting. Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for the wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.  Everyone is just waiting.

While I most certainly am not so suspended as the people caricatured in this passage, I am indeed waiting for something.

Waiting for a brand new chair

Waiting to learn to braid my hair

To learn to remove my captive bead ring

(Although it’s among my favorite things)

Waiting for a call from her

To help pry my brain from a dysfunctional stir

For Saturday to come and pass

So I can get on with my life at last

Waiting for someone to step my way

To look at my chair massage sign and say,

“Not only can I use a chair massage here,

But I haven’t had bodywork at all for a year…

Do you think I could get an appointment one day?

Sometime in between my hard work and my play?

Life’s tough on the body, for a jock or a geek…

Come to think of it, I’d like to visit each week.”

But right now I’m just waiting.

I’m reasonably sure nobody wants to hear the details, but suffice it to say that as busy as I constantly am, on another level I feel I’m always waiting for something to shift, waiting for some opportunity…I’m getting bored with it, to tell the truth.  I wonder what the alternatives might be.

Recovering and relaxing

I seem to have approximately four modes of activity.

• flying around like a paper kite/running around like a chicken with its head cut off/shooting around as if I’m on fire
• soldiering on – meaning I’m still doing a very credible job getting things done but I’m a little less fiery
• dragging/hitting the wall
• dead halt

Now, this poses an interesting question: where, if anywhere, does relaxing fit in? I’m always either doing things with a great deal of effort and determination or basically crashing.

Well, now that this cold is close to releasing its grip on me and I wisely chose not to schedule any business activities for what has turned out to be a deliciously lazy, sunny Saturday, a funny thing happened. I woke up and just refused to panic.

Yeah, there’s a lot to do. Yeah, every day is extremely valuable. But my gosh, it feels SO good to just wake up, journal, hug the cat, put on some Beatles music, paint my nails, window shop online…and generally just enjoy a little of my time without making any kind of a big push toward anything for a while.

I’m imagining people reading this…it’s my experience that most people are either practically experts at relaxation, or they haven’t relaxed and years and seem to think it’s impossible or sometimes just plain silly to try. To the former, I say, hats off to you! I like this artform, and in some respects I dare say it’s more challenging than any instrument I ever played. To the latter, I say…try it – you’ll like it! (And yes, that includes me the next time I’m so deep in my frenzied mode that I can’t imagine putting down the busyness long enough to say “ahhhhhh…”)